In life we all have to go through storms and struggles, there is no way around it. We may not have control of the storm, but we can certainly control how we respond to the storm. There is no doubt that married life can be extremely challenging and discouraging at times. When our problems weigh us down, we lose hope and begin to doubt in our ability to turn things around. If you are going through a storm right now in your marriage, keep reading to find out how you can remain hopeful and take the necessary steps to get through the storm.
When we are faced with challenges in our marriage, our “default” mindset is to blame our spouse for the problem. We can easily think of a few character flaws, bad habits, and negative behaviors to point to. Although you may have a valid point to some degree, we invite you to consider taking another approach. Rather than looking outward and pointing the finger at your spouse, take a moment of self-reflection and look inwardly. Be humble and honest, ask yourself, is there anything YOU are doing, whether it be your attitude or behavior that is contributing to the conflict?
The 1st Step to help you get through the storm is to self-reflect and look inwardly to focus on what you can control. Remember that we may not be able to control the storm but we can control how we respond. We can take a look at our attitude, perspective, and behavior that may be contributing to “triggers” that lead to conflict and disagreements. Sometimes when we take the time to be honest with ourselves, we realize that we have allowed our ego and pride get in the way, and that unfortunately leads to the hardening of our hearts. This is a very important point to remember. When we harden our hearts, God’s grace cannot penetrate our soul and we find ourselves being tossed around in the storm. We have to look inwardly, and ask God to help us soften our hardened hearts so that he can enter our marriage and get us through the storm.
When we find ourselves in the midst of a storm, we can feel helpless and afraid of the “unknown”…not knowing where it will lead us. At times the storm can seem like it won’t end with no hope in sight. Scripture reminds us that sometimes God will allow us to suffer a little before he steps in to rescue us. Take a look at Mark 6:45-51 “Then he made his disciples get into the boat and precede him to the other side toward Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. And when he had taken leave of them, he went off to the mountain to pray. When it was evening, the boat was far out on the sea and he was alone on shore. Then he saw that they were tossed about while rowing, for the wind was against them. About the fourth watch of the night, he came toward them walking on the sea. He meant to pass by them. But when they saw him walking on the sea, they thought it was a ghost and cried out. They had all seen him and were terrified. But at once he spoke with them, “Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid!” He got into the boat with them and the wind died down. They were completely astounded”.
If you noticed, it was after the “fourth watch” of the night that Christ walked toward them. So don’t lose hope, our Lord has his eye on us, he is aware of the storms and winds we face, and sometimes he will allow them to strengthen our faith and trust in him. That brings us to our 2nd Step, turn to our Lord in prayer and ask him to step into your marriage to calm your storm. He knows our pain and suffering but we have to invite him to give us the courage to face our storms and to trust that he will rescue us. It’s comforting to know that God watches us from afar and that he desires to walk toward us, not away. It’s in our storms that he wants to meet us in order to change our hearts and transform our marriage.
Finally, try to shift your mindset about the challenges you are facing in your marriage. We know that it’s not easy to think positive thoughts when we are going through storms and tribulations, but in order to help us endure the cross, we have to try to seek what good can come from it. Our Lord’s crucifixion was brutal and bloody, but in the end something good came from it…eternal salvation. In the same way, try to see the storm not as a problem, but as an opportunity to grow from it as a married couple. Ask God what is it that he is trying to teach you? What areas of your marriage is he trying to purge that is inhibiting your sanctification? Once you become aware of the bad habits that are hurting your relationship, make a commitment to change and grow from the experience.
If you want to learn more about how you can renew and restore the marriage you desire, we invite you to check out our FREE TRAINING “The MASS Formula to Transform Your Marriage” and discover the 4 key elements in creating a happy and fulfilling marriage!
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